You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
