my vag is so smooth its legendary
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
