I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize