We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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