worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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