You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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