I'm lost and stupid without you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
