I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
