Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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