U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
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