Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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