i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
