I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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