dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
