you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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