what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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