alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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