ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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