you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
