I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
birth control should be required to get into college
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
