3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
