Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
