So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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