guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
