so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
