He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
