you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i now understand why vodka
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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