I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
