So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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