i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
