Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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