Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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