tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
