um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
