And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
