Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
where does the pee come out of this thing
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have already put on my inside pants.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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