She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
