we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
