rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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