If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
