I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
