is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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