If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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