My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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