I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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