You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
