She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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