even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Randomize
