I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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