He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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