I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
