New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize