I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
