just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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