the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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