My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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