I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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