halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
