Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
