The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
