Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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