she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize