I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
