Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!

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(862): View more from New Jersey

She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.

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(313): View more from Michigan

well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails

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(480): View more from Arizona

The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk

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(602): View more from Arizona

If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.

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(816): View more from Missouri

Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?

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