dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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