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i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
