Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
